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Let's Warm the Globe  Global warming isn’t a bad thing – an ice age, now that’s a bad thing, but global warming – absolutely not. Actually I try to talk folks into using aerosol spray cans just to speed up the process. I can think of two great reasons right off the top of my head why we should encourage global warming.  First: If the whole globe gets warmer, then Philadelphia gets warmer. That means that I don’t have to freeze my ass off in a dark, dead landscape; shoveling snow out of my driveway every week for half of the freaking year. The Caribbean will be as close as New Jersey. As a matter of fact, New Jersey will have to change its name to "New Caribbean". Maybe those manatees that everyone loves will even be right here in the Delaware River. Hey kids, doesn’t that sound great! Second: The whole Middle East problem will go away. That entire part of the globe will become uninhabitable. Global warming will finally bring peace to the Middle East. That problem solves itself. I’m looking for a downside to this idea, and from where I’m sitting I don’t see any. Nope, nothing. This is another winning idea. So now if you are reading this, (and I know you are because I can see your lips moving), then I want you to go out there right now and empty an aerosol spray can. It can be underarm deodorant, ant spray or furniture polish it doesn’t matter. Just help the effort to deplete the ozone layer as quickly as possible.  Oh yeah, and buy stock in Coppertone!  Your thoughts... Billo ----------------- |
