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Do Not Attempt This at Home...
Updated October 10, 2003
So the other night I’m watching the tube and I see this commercial for a SUV.
It shows the sky just above the cloud line. Then a moment later, this big
honking SUV bursts above the clouds and begins scattering the clouds. I’m not
sure about the point of the commercial. Maybe it was that if you’ve got your
head in the clouds you’ll love our new SUV that is so big it won’t even fit on
the road.
The point of all this is that through the commercial even up to the point when
the SUV touches down on the road, there is a little note at the bottom of the
screen. It reads, "Closed Course and Professional Driver – Do Not Attempt."
I see these little notes everywhere nowadays. Do we really need these
little warnings? Just because an urbanite is gullible enough to buy this
$60,000 gas guzzling atrocity does that mean that we think that they are flat
out stupid? If they believe that along with the ability to traverse mighty
rivers, barren deserts, and deep unplowed snow; does that mean that they’ll
also believe that they will be able to drive right off steep cliffs onto
clouds? If they are truly that dopey then do we want to be protecting
them?
Let me just say right now that I’m afraid that for reasons like this I fear
that this country is getting a little heavy on the dopey end of the balance.
Maybe it’s about high time that we stopped coddling these people; it’s time
to cut the cord; let evolution
take its course.
Starting immediately we should stop putting warnings on obvious dangers and
stop making dangerous activities illegal. Why do we need to print "Do not
eat" on anything? When you buy a new pair of shoes and find that
little silica package in your loafer do you think it’s a piece of candy left
for you by Buster Brown? If so, then by all means, eat it!
Why should it be illegal to ride a motorcycle without a helmet - at night - in
the high winds - during a snow storm? If you’re the kind of person who
routinely burns their mouth when served Hot Coffee, then you are who I’m
talking about. If you’re the kind of person who says, "If I’m going to get in
an accident, then I’ll put my seat belt on", then by all means, don’t let us
tell you how to live your life.
Professional driver on a closed course - do not attempt.
You know, I think if we removed all of these simple-assed warning signs all
over America then we could increase the national IQ easily by a good 20
points. You hear people telling us all the time how children all over the
world score higher in standardized testing. I’m beginning to think that it’s
because in their countries they don’t have these warning.
Billo
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