English Language

I Kould Klean Up the Hole Thing

Home
Rants! Rants! Rants!
Random Thoughts
Margaritas and Other Recipies

Give Me One Afternoon and a Dictionary

You know, the english language is unnecessarily complicated. It really is. And I'm getting tired of folks trying to make it even more complicated. First of all, let's get one thing straight: In America we speak english - in England they speak 'old english'. All of that thou, thy stuff, that's acient english. The language of England (and I do like the English), is old-english. The language of America is english.

Now that we have that straightened out lets talk about removing a few redundant letters from the old alphabet. Starting with the letter "C". As I recall from Sesame Street, (and Sister Mary Rose's first grade class), the letter is capable of making two sounds: the "K" sound and the "S" sound. Well as I see it, we already have a K and an S, and to have another letter duplikating those sounds is redundant.

"C is for cookie - that good enough for me."

See, we're already making progress. Now we have to talk about the letter "Q". This is a useless letter. It makes no sound at all. The only way this letter makes a sound is if you kouple it with the letter "U". And then it makes the "KW" sound. Here we have two letters making the sound of two other perfiktly good letters. I think we kan lose the letter "Q".

There, now we're making progress. If we klean up a few other kwirky items we might end up with a language we kan be proud of. Now what is the story behind the "PH" making the "F" sound? Kan someone explain how this happened? From this day forward, only the F will make the F sound.

And I think we kan all agree to drop all okkuranses of so kalled "silent letters". Aside from the old silent E at the end of words. Moving forward, there will be no silent embedded letters in any words. The "H" in WH, the "K" in KN, the "GH" in the middle of so many words - they're all gone!

Wat was the point of these silent letters anyhow? My seven year old is learning how to read rite now. He looks at these things and asks me, "Wy daddy, wy?", and I tell him, "I don't no son, I just don't no."

And wat truely amazes me is that no one else kwestions this! It's like we have all been brainwashed into submishon. Well I'm here to enliten you folks. Let me just drop this bom on you - don't take anything at fasevalue. Ask wy all the time and fine the ansers were ever you kan.

Ov kourse I kould be wrong.
Billo

-----------------