Gotta Cut the Carbs!!

September 21, 2004
Always on the Look Out for a Cheap Buzz

I hate to launch into another diet related rant right on the heels of VitaBeer, but here goes. You’re gonna have to stick with me on this one because it may require you to think beyond your comfort zone.

Alright, so you eat some carbs like say Wonder Bread, and through a mystical process that no one understands your body magically transforms them into sugars. Personally I think that that’s amazing.

I don’t think that Wonder Bread tastes at all sweet, but somehow my body can turn it into sugar. It’s similar to the process they tell us goes on when yeast takes sugars and turns them into alcohol.

Well if all of that is true then answer this :
How come when I eat bread, which is a carb that it made with yeast; then why doesn’t my body turn the carbs into sugar, and the yeast turns the sugar into alcohol? Shouldn’t I be able to eat a slice of banana bread and catch a little buzz?

I would think that folks ought to be able to score a loaf of pumpernickel and then spend the night singing show tunes on the sidewalk out front of their house.

We once had a dog, Linus, who ate a bunch of green apples from our yard. Later that night we observed him watching TV with us. He never watched TV with us – he preferred afternoon TV and sleeping in the evening, but there he was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the screen. So we’re watching him watch TV when he just fell off of the bed.

Well to make a long story short, $500 later the Vet tells us that the dog is drunk! Apparently the apples were sitting in his belly fermenting – so not only was he drunk, but he’s was going to continue to get drunk until they passed through him. It took three days for that dog to get over that bender and he never ate another one of those apples for the rest of his life.

Me on the other hand, well that’s a different story for another time.
I welcome your feedback and witticisms.

Billo

Copyright 2004, Bill O'Reilly


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