So How’s Your Diet Going?

Updated June 30, 2004
Once Again Proving my Genius to all the World

Everyone is on a diet today and they’re all doing high protein, low carb. It’s so prevalent that even if you aren’t on a low carb diet, people assume that you are. I was trying to enjoy a pretzel the other day and a caring coworker took the time out of their busy day to swagger over and let me know that pretzels have carbs in them. Thanks Einstein.

Just to drive home the point that I didn’t care I popped a Hershey Kiss into my mouth and smiled at the simpleton.

But now I feel as though I am watching the rebirth of the whole health-food craze. “Are you getting enough omega-3 fatty fish oils?” I don’t know; can I get those from Swedish Fish?

How about calcium; vitamin B-12; or lichen? And I’ll tell you something else - I don’t care if he is best friends with Saint Michael the Archangel, I’m not touching Saint John’s wart.

And every year the government spends gazillions of dollars trying to make Americans healthier. Let me just tell you something right now: if you want healthier consumers then put health into the foods that they are eating. This idea originally came to me in 1994. I called it VitaBeer.

All you have to do is this; start putting "a full day’s supply" of vitamins and other essential nutrients into a six pack of beer. Its genius just think about it.. now even the guys who drink a six pack a day have a shot at looking like the people in the beer commercials.

Here’s another one, put appetite suppressants into Potato Chips, Oreos, Snicker bars, Ring-Dings, Ding-Dongs, Yoo Hoos, Ho-Hos, M&Ms and every other junk food on the market. And if an aspirin a day really prevents heart attacks, then maybe we should add aspirin to the eleven herbs and spices that go into KFC. Do you want regular, extra crispy or with nitro-glycerin?

Oh sure – when I suggest this you think I’m a blithering idiot. But just watch how many people freak out when someone suggests taking the fluoride out of the water. Of course you might have a different opinion.

Billo

Copyright 2004, Bill O'Reilly


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