Someone Should Have Been Watching Him

Updated February 25th, 2005
What Was He Doing With Access to Superglue Anyhow?

Did you hear this story about the 81 year old Thai monk who glued both of his eyes shut with superglue? It seems that he was suffering from the old itchy eye.

So he went to the medicine cabinet he thought that the tube of superglue was a tube of eye drops. To make a long story short, he then put 4 drops of superglue into each eye. Hi jinx ensued.

So I’m reading this story and I’m thinking to myself, “Why does an 81 year old monk even have super glue, much less, why is he storing it in his medicine cabinet?” Let me tell you something right now people: if by some bizarre twist of fate, I somehow live to be 81 years old, I want someone to come to my house and remove the superglue.

First of all, if I’m 81 years old, and I drop one of my officially licensed Captain Kirk Collector Plates - I’m gonna throw it out.

Furthermore, I want all of the scissors, gone; I want the knives dulled; take away the hand guns (or at least the bullets); get rid of any straight razors; disconnect the gas range; nail the doors to the attic and basement shut; and take away any ladders or snow shovels.

I want the place child proofed. If somehow I’m still codgering along at 80, I don’t want to kick off because of something stupid , like falling off my roof while adjusting the TV antenna. I’ll be perfectly happy to watch Matlock reruns in my Craftmatic Bed (sleep number 14), and cruise around town in my fancy golf cart flying just under the Grim Reaper’s radar until the day I die of incredibly old age.

Well, that’s my plan. What’s yours?

Billo

Copyright 2005, Bill O'Reilly


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