And Now They Come With Interchangable Parts

Updated October 22, 2004
Choose Your Brand

As we quickly tumble headlong into the 2004 Presidential election I find myself waxing philosophically about the current state of politics in America. That’s one of the things I do, I wax philosophically. Now as you read on dear web visitor, please keep in mind that as the zenith of the American political system, the Presidency will not necessarily be in line with my insights as much as those politicians running for lesser offices.

Now that I’ve clarified that, I’ll make my bold proclamation: I think a politician (possibly Presidential), willing to concede to the opposing party on certain issues could almost guarantee winning an election. Now read on before you make a maddening dash to the guestbook to tell me how wrong I am.

It has become my personal experience that most folks vote for one candidate over the other, not because they especially like the candidate, but rather because they have become specific-issue voters. It seems that voters will vote for a particular candidate because they know that that candidate votes along party lines, and that voter agrees with the party on their specific issue. And as the country becomes increasingly partisan the politicians are also becoming increasingly partisan. The outcome of all this is that our representatives have become parodies of their party’s agendas.

Gone are the days of the conservative democrat, the liberal republican and the good old middle of the road moderate. These positions are too volatile. The political machines don’t know how to market these indecisive candidates to the masses. And of course if a politician doesn’t have the party endorsement, and the party’s almighty funding, then they know that they will not win the election. So, in order to get the party backing and more importantly, campaign funding candidates have to adopt the party’s “brand”.

The upshot is what I will call The Automaton Politician(TM): an interchangeable representative with predictable voting patterns. If the automaton becomes corrupt, voters can elect a new representative with the same brand who will stay the course. Or they can switch to the other brand if they feel that they are ready for a change. The illusion created is that you have multiple choices when in reality you don’t have any at all. Aldous Huxley would be very proud.

Some day (certainly not in our lifetime), people will proudly proclaim that their beverage choices are many and varied; we may have either Coke or Pepsi (just forget the fact that they are both colas).

The representatives themselves don’t even need to speak; they don’t need to expose their voting records they don’t really have to do anything but look good on the evening news and stay out of trouble. The party will dictate how they vote, and the voters feel secure in that knowledge, and they will proudly proclaim, “Our political choices are many and varied; we may have either Democrat or Republican (just forget the fact that they are both working for special interests)”.

Here is a short list of what each brand stands for. You can use this to help you decide which brand you would like to vote for.

Democrats:
Higher taxes (Spend, Spend, Spend)
Pro-Union (Protectionism)
Pro-Abortion (Right to Choose)
Pro-Gun Control (Protect Life)
Anti-censorship (Parents should protect their children)
Anti-Death Penalty (Protect [criminal] Life)
Pro-Gay Marriage
Fund “the Arts” (with tax dollars)
Peace at any cost
Hand outs to the poor and unwilling to work
Figure out your own Family Values
Free money to those who don't want to work


Republicans:
Lower taxes (Borrow, Borrow, Borrow)
Anti-Union (Free Economy)
Anti-Abortion (Protect Life)
Anti-Gun Control (Right to Choose)
Pro-Censorship (Parents need to protect their children)
Pro-Death Penalty (Protect Life [no repeat offenders])
Anti-Gay Marriage
Don’t Fund “the Arts” (let the arts earn money like the taxpayers do)
War Monger
Encourage Entrepreneurs
Provide Family Values
Only helps the rich

Feel free to submit additional items for one brand or the other in the old guestbook.

Billo

Copyright 2004, Bill O'Reilly


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