Updated March 22nd, 2002

For Sale..? Like a Hole in My Head!
Now here’s something that I just don’t understand and we need to talk about it. Supposedly your body is yours and you can do whatever you like with it. No one wants the Government telling them what they can and can’t do with their own bodies.

There are however a number of exceptions to this rule that either no one seemed to notice or wanted to talk about. No one that is until today.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of the lizard man, but here’s a guy that has taken “Body Modification” to an extreme. This chiclet has: had his teeth filed into points; had his tongue sliced up the middle so that it is forked; had subdermal Teflon implants inserted to form horned ridges over each eye; and had reptilian scales tattooed over his entire body. And of course it’s all perfectly legal.

There are even folks who lop off their own fingers, toes, ears and any other body part to sell to other Ring Dings who collect such things.

Then there are the trepanation folks. Trepanation or trephination is the making of a small hole in the skull using a surgical drill known as a trepan. Again, it’s your head, if you want to drill holes in it; no one is going to stop you!

Now here’s my point. I can pay someone to tattoo me, insert various implants into me, drill holes into my head or cut my tongue in half. I can sell my hair, fingernails dead skin, fingers, toes, tonsils and ears. I can pay a doctor to cut off appendages and remove organs. But if you try to sell a kidney, all of a sudden, Johnny Law wants to put the kybosh on that.

Sure, if you want to remove it and throw it out, that’s fine. Or if you want to remove it and DONATE it – you’re a hero. But if you want to sell it to the highest bidder all of a sudden you’re a monster.

So just who is making these rules? What is the explanation for this? And don’t try to give me that, “If you sell them, then only the rich will be able to afford them”. Because you know as well as I do that it’s a load of crap. The way it stands right now, is that there are thousands of people all across the country who are literally dying for new kidneys. And each one has to wait for someone else to die in order to get one - or for someone to donate it.

If folks could sell them, then I predict that the list of people waiting for the surgery would drop to zero within a year. Go ahead, let the HMOs decide on a fair and equitable price that they would pay for a kidney – I’m figuring on $5,000. Think about it… every Joe Lunchbox out there trying to save up that last five grand for his new pickup truck would be walking around sans one kidney within two weeks!

Donor cards in wallets would be replaced with “Will and Testament” cards giving doctors permission to sell your organs, and instructions as to how you would like the proceeds distributed.

But who’s stopping all of this? The pharmaceutical companies, and the companies that make the dialysis machines, that’s who! Those fat cats make all of their money by keeping people sick.

Maybe I’m missing something. But I swear, if you let people sell their organs, it would stimulate the economy, as well as get an awful lot of people out of hospital beds and into productive lives.

Hey, I’ve got a great idea. How about this: If I can’t sell a kidney to someone desperately in need of one, the how about if I make a statement instead. I’ll have a kidney removed, and sell tickets to anyone who wants to watch. Ticket prices start at $1,000 per head for up to 50 people. The tickets will be auctioned off on Ebay. All of the proceeds will go to paying the price of the surgery with the remainders going to victims of kidney disease. The 50 ticket holders will then have the ability to vote on the fate of the kidney. They can: donate it to someone who needs it; put it in a jar on their fireplace; eat it; or throw it around the parking lot like a football.

Sure, its immoral, but it’s not illegal!

Of course I could be wrong about all this so feel free to comment in the guestbook!

- Billo