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... But There's Nothing Wrong With Plain Old Potato Chips  So I’m out to lunch today with some people. And never you mind what people; maybe it’s just none of your business! So anyhow, I get a bag of potato chips. You know just regular old, potato chips. And then I take notice of the cornucopia of potato chip choices that have congregated and conspired to confuse the consumer.  Now I know that I’m old fashioned, and I don’t have any problems with offering people choices. But, I like the classics. I like good old fashioned potato chips. Sure I can tolerate the kettle drum chips, although they always make me wonder what the classic chips are cooked in if not a kettle drum. Even the “No” or “Low” salt chips are simply a natural extension of the base product. But I think someone has simply gone overboard. When last I checked Herr’s website, they have 16 flavors of potato chips. At what point to we begin to consider this ridiculous? You know, they have a good thing going, why do they have to keep pushing the envelope? You can’t mean to tell me that folks all over America are asking for this. Jim Bob from western Pennsylvania writes: "You know these here potato chips are good, but if you could come out with a Pork Rind flavored chip I think that I would be a real hit." Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about, here is a sampling of current chip choices, with my comments:  There are Salt & Pepper chips, which you might assume are the same as my regular old, “Classic” chips, but with a little pepper. But if you were to assume this you would be wrong. They contain a bunch of other crap as well – read the label, my friends, read the label. Salt and Vinegar: Try these out some time. The first one is good. All the rest are like a good thing gone bad. Personally I think they could take the amount of flavoring that they added to one chip and spread that much around the whole bag and it would be enough. Someone got a little heavy handed with the flavoring on this one. Sour Cream and Onion: Now these have been around long enough that they are also now considered a classic. However the question still nags me – why not just mix up a little sour cream and onion?  Thick Cut Potato Chips: I haven’t tried these. The idea sounds a little innovative, but come on, really, just order some French fries. Cheddar & Sour Cream: I’ve tasted these and I think that they taste like the floor of a movie theater. Don’t ask me how I know what the floor of a movie theater tastes like. Go ahead and try these chips and tell me if you don’t agree. Ketchup: If this isn’t the limit of laziness I don’t know what is. Ketchup flavor? Come on… really now. You’re sitting there at the lunch counter, there is fresh ketchup 12 inches away, and you order ketchup flavored chips? Come on now... Barbeque: This is one step beyond Ketchup flavored. What do they do at the potato chip factory? Do they just go through the grocery store looking for additional flavorings to put on chips? Smokey BBQ: I’m not even going here. Old Bay: They were half way here with the vinegar and salt ones, why not just take the extra step. PA Dutch Style: I worked in Lancaster PA, the home of the Pennsylvania Dutch for a year and a half. Do you know what they are famous for? Pretzels. If you come out with a potato chip that is “PA Dutch Style” it should taste like a pretzel. Onion & Garlic: I guess this is for those times when you’re afraid that onion just isn’t enough to give you bad breath. And as an extra bonus, these will give you stinky farts too! And if you ever wonder what it would feel like to be incontinent, they you should try go out and buy yourself a big bag of chips made with the wonder oil, Olean. These go under the brand name “WOW”, or as I like to call them, “WOW, that’s the worst case of diarrhea that I have ever had”. Of course I could just be blowing this whole thing out of proportion. So feel free to share your insight in the old guestbook. Billo ----------------- |
