The Page With Nothing But Links To My Rants

With the total number of pages on this website growing, I decided it was time to begin segmenting them into workable chunks. This chunk is the Rant chunk. From here you can link to all of my various Rants. Enjoy.

Try to be Creative When Naming Your City or Street
Originally Posted - September 21, 2005
So I'm wandering down Market St and I'm thinking, "there is a Market St in every city in America. Then I really got to thinking (and you know that's no good), and I thought, "why can't they come up with original names". And then I took a hard look around and decided that whoever went about naming thinks in this country could not be very bright. Maybe this is why the world is in it's current condition. Anyhow check out my rant on Originality.

Where do they come up with these car names?
Originally Posted - August 23, 2005
I read somewhere that car companies spend millions of dollars coming up with names for new cars. But when I look on the roads and see some of these name I start to think to myself, "Hey, I could come up with better names than those idiots. But before I start renaming cars, let's do a quick review of some of the existing car names.

I'm Still Not Fred Flintstone!!
Originally Posted - May 3, 2005
First my wife compares me to Fred Flintstone as a means of kyboshing my surfboard. Then when I try to live the Flinstone life with an old prime rib bone she reminds me of my place within our 'pack' by setting preference for the dog. Maybe I should have hoped for a comparison to Chedderman instead. You can read all about my Prime Rib Adventure.

Those Wacky Monks
Based Upon a True Story - March 14, 2005
You know, I just can't make stuff like this up. This story was on Yahoo for days and I just had to throw my two cents into it. Find out what happens when a monk with the old itchie-eye heads to the medicine chest. Hi Jinx ensue!

Instant Holy Water
Updated Feburary 15, 2005
Once again, another million dollar idea! I was inspired while at church. And the best part is that it might make for a charitable tax deduction. This idea is pure MONEY! Check out what I'm talking about here.

Mind Control Thin Mints
Updated Feburary 12, 2005
I'd just like to know how come the Girl Scouts have to sell all of those cookies and the Boy Scouts don't. Do the Girl Scouts do more? I just want to know what they do with all of that money that they raise from selling cookies, and I want to know what's in those cookies.

Outsource the Outsourcers
Make Them Fight to Keep Our Jobs
I keep hearing about how much money all of this outsourcing is saving, and yet I haven't been able to put any more money in the bank because of it. I think we should just figure out who is saving all the money and outsource their job. Maybe that will save us all some doe, ray, me!.

It Might Be Better if You Just Wack Yourself in the Head with the Thing
I Prefer to Drink my Beer
Have you ever wondered how many things people smoked before they decided that tobacco was the right way to go? When you read this rant about gourds I think that it will leave you wondering about a lot more than just this. There are some things which make you want to adopt the simple don't ask, don't tell policy. See what I mean on this rant on Gourds.

256 Million Dollars, and the Antenna Breaks?
I Ought to Build the Next Mars Lander
So why does it seem that everytime we rocket hundreds of millions of dollars worth of equipment into space some part that only cost like 43 cents breaks down and ruins our good time? In search of answers to that question, I have come up with my own theory in regard to the Mars Rover.

Select Your Favorite Brand of Politician
Politicians Now Come With Lifelike Hair
If you are like me then you've grown weary of trying to figure out who to vote for in the November 2004 election. But now that I have figured out the secret, I am willing to share it with you. Check out my rant regarding the Branded Politician.

Beer - the Elixer of Life!
Now why can't beer be good for you?
I've been stewing on this idea for over 10 years. And now all this silly low-carb, high-protein dieting has finally set me off. Why can't they just make healthier beer? Read all about it in my Vita-Beer Rant.

No, But Really - Shouldn't I be Drunk?
It worked for the dog, why not me?
It's not that I can't afford my regular bottles of Night Train, its just that I think it should be simpler. Is someone pulling a fast one on me? Is thei the reason why everyone has suddenly gone "low carb"? Check out my Carboholic Rant here.

Soddom - Good Old Testament Smiting
You Just Don't Want to Piss Off God
And I'm sitting there is church just a few weeks ago minding my own business when they decide to tell the Old Testament story of the destruction of Soddom. So I sat up in my chair, listened and had a few questions. When I got home I looked the story up in the bible. Yes I have one, well actually I looked it up on line. But at any rate, I think you will enjoy my interpretation of the story of Soddom, Lott and Lott's salty wife .

Presidential American Idol
If Genius Came in Pants Sizes I'd be at Least a 46 Long - I've Already Sent This Idea Into Fox
You know sometimes an idea hits you and it makes you fall off of your horse like a blinding light from heaven. That's how this one hit me. If you feel slighted because your political party didn't include you in the Primary Elections, then maybe you should read my rant about styling the Primaries after the Fox show American Idol. I call it Presidential American Idol.

How Could Anyone Start Smoking Today?
A Slap to the Face Brought to You by Billo
It is just amazing to me that anyone today is dumb enough to start smoking. I'll give you a break if you have already been smoking for 30 years or something, but to the person who picks up a cigarette today..? You have got to be brain damaged to start today. You shoudl check out my whole rant about Smoking!

Get a Clean Towel
How do You Know When to Wash These Things Anyhow?
Maybe I'm out of place asking YOU, dear reader questions about personal hygiene, but this one really boggles the mind. Check out my comments on clean towels, and washing your hands by clicking here .

What Your Earings May be Telling the World About You
A Reality Check Brought to You by Billo
Apparently we are virtually surrounded by Secret Societies - and many of them wear subtle indicators to each other so that they know who is "in" and who is not. This little rant exposes one of the well known secret signals that common jewelery can give off. This is the EARING conspiracy.

The Mystery of the Steamy Streets
Plus Skinning Cats and Magnetics!
Well I debated with this Rant. I wasn't sure whether it was truely a rant or a collection of Random Thoughts. In the end I decided that it qualified as a Rant. The questions asked here are, "where does the street steam come from and are magnets truely the key to how everything works? However I'll just call this one STEAM for short.

All of Our Heros Were on Dope
But (did?) We Still Turned Out Okay
Sure kids today have Brittney Spears and Alan Iverson. But when I was a kid we weren't luckey enough to have such wholesome roll models. We had a bunch of doped up cartoons. Like we all turned out okay. Right?

Going Back to the Moon
As if We Ever Went There in the First Place
So first we land a remote control mobile lab on Mars, and now we want to send people there via a trip to the moon. And all of this is being sold under the pretext that we are going BACK to the Moon. Like we didn't fake going there in the first place.

He's Not Named After the Cheese
...But He Doesn't Move Any Faster Than It
Alright, I'm not going to try and fool anyone into believing that I'm any kind of a world traveler. But when science can verify that your family hasn't left town of amost 10,000 years, you have to be a little embarassed. Well that's what happened to my old friend the Cheddarman.

I'm Freezing My Ass Off...
...But They Keep Warning Me About Global Warming
Hey folks, I'm all for saving the environment. If you've read my rants you know my stance on important issues like, cows, animal testing, bears, and the rainforest. But this is even bigger. Today we're talking about Global Warming.

Do Not Attempt This at Home
Like People Should be Warned About These Things
You know, I just love these stupid warnings. Hey Granny, if you forgot that coffee is served hot than that's your problem. Don't make McDonalds have to put warnings on their cups. I think these truly are the warning signs of the end of civilization.

Early Retirement
My Last Company Encouraged a Forced Early Retirement
But I'd have nothing to do with it. So after a short sabbatical, I've gone back to work. But let me tell you, after working in the suburbs for 10 years, it is an adjustment going back to "the City". Read all about my difficult adjustments.

So I Crashed a Spaceship...
What, like you've never been in a fender-bender
You know, you try to provide a nurturing and stimulating environment for your children. Try to introduce them to the wonders of life; encourage them to think outside of the box. But nothing can prepare them for finding a real Crashed Spaceship.

No Human Could Invent This Stuff...
It had to be reverse engineered from aliens
In the past 100 years we moved from adding on our fingers and toes to building super computers. We've been to the moon, cracked the atom and mapped our own DNA. But don't think for a minute that any of this technology could have been stolen from the old Roswell UFO.

This Kid is Too Unconventional
That I know there is no way to deny that he is mine
Not that I would ever expect anything from my kids. Just yesterday Jack told me that he loved Mommy "10" but only loved me "1" (well at least he loves me). Check out what happened when Lisa brought our Keebler Elf to the doctor. I've gotta love my Jack-a-roo.

Maybe Its Time to Update the Image
After 2000 Years the White Robe is Starting to Fray
This is just another example of how when I think of an idea, it's terrible, but when someone else spins it - they're give awards. Check out my rant on Buddy Jesus and how this idea really could work.

Folks Have to Set Priorities
And I'm Afraid That Speed Racer Has His Set Wrong
Speed Racer is an icon my boyhood in the 1970s. I thought he was great. Heck, I wanted to be him. But even as a child I had questions that I wanted to ask my hero. Tell me if you agree with my questions for Speed Racer.

Scratching Poison Ivy Feels Sooo Gooood!
It's Almost Worth It To Get It On Purpose
I know what you're thinking, "Bill you've finally gone off the deep end", but let me tell you. If you have never had Poison Ivy then you don't know what you are missing!

Don't Eat Blue M&Ms
These things just are not the right color!
You know the folks at M&M Mars have always had a great thing going then they started introducing almonds, crispies and even peanutbutter. But they stepped over the line with blue M&Ms these things.

Is it lint or fuzz...
or something much more dangerous?
My daily belly button mining expidition always yields payback, but exactly what is this stuff? Take an indepth examination with me of the stuff from my umbilical scar here.

Let's Fix the Phonics
Just give me one afternoon and a dictionary
Since I was in gradeschool I have always marveled about how badly the English Language is messed up. I'm looking over my son's spelling words for this week: how; sow; loud; brown - shouldn't these all be spelled the same? Check out the rant here.

Sting at the Super Bowl
Homie Needs to Get Over Himself
He's no Beetle, and he is certainly no Mozart. But for some reason he won't go away. This guy is like a cockroach; he's like a bad penny; he's that booger that won't roll off your finger. When folks watch the halftime show they are looking for entertainment - not an old fart. Well if you want to read the whole rant check out what I have to say about Sting.

Saint Michael the Archangel
Saint? Angel? Fraud? You Decide
I'll not pretend to be a religious scholor, but I am curious. I'm looking for the true 411 on this fella, and it seems like no one knows. Now I don't want to shake your faith, I just want to know who Saint Michael the Archangel really is.

Invisible Tattoos
Remember, you Read it here first!
You know, a true genius isn't always out inventing new things, occasionally we just find new applications for existing things. This is one bubble-blowing, rave inspired, tattoo laden, mood ring wearing, psydellic tripping idea that I'm sure will work out. Check out my Invisible Tattoo idea.

Potato Chips
I love 'em!
Without a doubt one of the most thought provoking rants that I have written since the beginning of this website. This judged by the amount of chatter created in the guestbook. Read on and see if you don't agree that the potato chip companies have just gone too far with their flavorings - Potato Chips.

Another Paradox...
After so many years of time travel you come to expect a few paradox.
I might just make this the first in a series of Time Travel related problems. As I see it Time Travel should not be taken lightly, and should not be trifled with. And you should definately not attempt any sort of Time Travel, or Time-Line-Corrections after you've been drinking. (You remember that whole "Hair Band" thing in the 1980s!) So go ahead and check out what I have cooking in the old Flux Capacitor.

Eight Fingers Ted
The Roughest, Toughest, Meanest Pirate What Ever Sailed the Seven Seas
I just love to pull this little prank on kids. And I've been waiting six years to pull it on my own kids. In the summer of 2002 I finally had my chance. Read all about my kids experience with Eight Fingers Ted.

Parent License
Easier to Get Than a Fishing License
Think back to your own parents think to people you know, people you work with... would you trust them to drive your brand new car? No, so what makes you think they can raise kids any better? You can read my whole perspective in this fun little rant that I call Parent License.

Its My Kidney
Shouldn't I be able to do what I want with it?
Apparently not. You can do lots of things to your body, including selling "unusable" parts; but try to sell a kidney and you're a monster.

Its My Birthday
And I'll Change It if I Wanna
Maybe I got tired of the combination gifts. Maybe I went a little crazy. Maybe I just got Zaberized but I decided to change the day on which I celebrate my birthday. But afterall, it is mine.

Too Much Time Your Hands?
I have always hated that phrase
and I guess one day someone said it and it was just too much for me to take. You can check out my response in this rant and let me know if I'm out of line.

Dirty Mug...
Now I don't want to sound ungrateful...
but sometimes you just have to speak up. And this was just one of those times. Find out what happened when I spoke up about a slight appliance problem. Check out my Dirty Mug.

Animal Testing
Whether you are in favor of Animal Testing
or against it I'm sure you'll enjoy my idea. I think its about time we stopped picking on the white mice of the world. You know if we stopped using them for testing, they would probably go extinct. Its time we started supporting another animal.

High Speed Internet
So My Company Offered Us Low Cost DSL
But we are at the mercy of the local phone company. You see, it is the local phone company who owns the wire coming into the house. So I started the ball rolling at work, and got denied service. The reason for it is that the phone company wires can't handle the connection. Read all about my fiasco.

My Surfboard
I Do Not Look Like Fred Flintstone!
But is seems that some people think that I do. You know, surfing isn't just all about being 18 years old, and brainless. It isn't all about being Zen and mystical either. In my humble opinion is's about enjoying yourself in the ocean. You shouldn't have to be a buff workout nut to do it either. Check out the insults lobbed at me by my loving wife when I suggested that I wanted to surf.

Jane Fonda
You know, I'm all about freedom of speech.
But being free to say whatever you like does come with a responsibility. For instance I can say that the Government stinks. I can even tell GW Bush, The Clintons, Bush Sr, Regan, Carter and Ford that they all stunk as presidents. I can't however yell "Fire" in a movie theater or tell the Taliban where and when the next bombs are gonna fall. Every American has a responsibility that comes with their freedom of speech. You can read all about the abuse of that freedom here.

Attitude Adjustment
Some People Just Need Their Attitude Adjusted
Not everyone needs to take a chill-pill, others need a wake-up call. This little rant was inspired by both sets of people. And as usual, I'm not just complaining, I'm actually offering a solution. Read all about it here.

My Swagger
I gotta get me a swagger
Well I was once again inspired by Jimmy Buffet - is there no end to his influence. There is nothing like a good old fasioned swagger. You can read my comments and ideas about having or getting a swagger here.

Cows!
October 5th, 2001 - Another banner day.
Today I went off on Cows. Yes Cows, they're everywhere! And they're pumping more methane into the atmosphere than a certain Ozone-Depleting-Wang that I know.

So check out the Cows Rant to get the full specter of my interest in these amazing and enigmatic animals.

Alien DNA
Even the folks at Star Trek can't help themselves but to "borrow" ideas from me. I had this idea for a species of aliens that was one of the most clever and unique ideas to ever come to Science Fiction. And just like that, they borrowed it.

My Flag
September 24th, 2001
No matter how hard I try I just can't keep up with the Jones. Whether its how weed-free or green my lawn is, or the size of my Flag, someone always has to one-up me!

Speed Trap
August 27th, 2001
You know I was always told that by the year 2000 cars would fly. Well I have a year 2000 Honda, and let me tell you - it does not fly!

Mood Music
I had this GREAT idea for personal mood music. You know, like when the main character walks into the room in a movie, their theme song would play. I had the same idea but for everyone, not just movie characters.

Autocab
When you have a great mind it always seems like everyone is trying to either copy it, or steal ideas from it. Take for instance my idea for the Autocab. A driverless cab that can be summoned via PDA, navigate via GPS, and be paid via an ATM.