So I'm Out of Retirement

July 2003 So after a short hiatus I am back in the working world. Two and a half months off and I’m a little rusty. To make matters worse after working in the suburbs for 10 years I’m back into downtown Philadelphia.

I find the sheer volume of people to be startling. I feel like I went away for a few years and someone let them all breed unchecked. I see more people while walking from the train to my building every morning than I would see in a month in the suburbs. And even more disturbing is that I don’t think that I’ve seen any of the same people more than once.

You know when you walk along you start naming people in your head like: Crazy-Lipstick Lady; Fat-Toupee-Guy; Lazy-Eye; Skirt-with-Sneakers; Halitosis-Man. You know what I’m talking about. Well I feel like I name these people daily, and never see them again. Except for Halitosis-Man he seems to always sit next to me on the train every day.

So there are eight different elevators that I can use to get to my floor. They are arranged in a hallway with four on each side. For some reason, folks enter the hallway and stop at the first elevator. Now me, I’m not that kind of guy – I like to go to the limit. So this morning, I walk past all the tree stumps and I go right to the last set of doors.

Wouldn’t you know it, but just as I get in front of the last set of doors, the bell dings and they open right in front of me. I step to one side in case there is anyone on board that needs to get off. When I see that the coast is clear I turn to let the others that have been waiting enter.

Suddenly from the corner of my eye I see this streak of grey wool as this crazy woman (hereafter referred to as Ashtray-Breath or AB), in a fit of self absorbed tunnel-vision streaks from in front of elevator #1; barrels past me and jumps into the elevator. I was understandably nonplussed.

AB’s reckless journey ensured that she was first on the elevator even though I was standing alone right in front of the door. Did AB think that if I had gotten on first that I would suddenly close the door? Was she afraid that once inside the small compartment I would suddenly inflate to five times my original size and block the doorway?

Now I’m going out of my mind trying to determine AB’s motivation. I suppose it is something that I’ll have to get used to now that I’m back in the overpopulated smarmy mass of humanity that is the experience of working "Downtown".

Or maybe I’m just over thinking this one – what do you think?
Billo