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Go Speed Racer Go!  Here is just a quick run down of some of the features that come standard with the Mach 5: bullet proof windshield; submarine mode; instant high traction tires; homing pigeon; retractable circular saw blades; and of course air jacks that could launch the Mach 5 over most road obstacles.  Speed has it all: he drives in the streets in the worlds coolest car; he has a hottie girlfriend; a full time mechanic; fame; money; and a lifestyle that can’t be believed. And yet.. I can’t help but to question a few things. With all the money, fame and attention from international babes neither Speed or his girlfriend, "Trixie" ever thought to buy her a new shirt. For god’s sake, the thing is tied up in knots at her shoulders. Hey Speed, its Trixie’s birthday, maybe you can buy her a new shirt. And another thing, when I was a teenager if I ever brought home a girl named Trixie, dressed in a shirt like that; I think my whole family would know that she was a hooker.  And another thing, who lets a 5 year old little boy play with a monkey? Monkeys are filthy and dangerous. You don’t let a little boy keep one as his best friend. Who’s watching out for this kid anyhow? He and his little monkey friend hoard and binge on candy like a couple of 19th century street urchins. I think we’re talking some serious neglect here.  Here’s another one, there are guys that I went to high school with 20 years ago who I haven’t seen since. If they showed up on my doorstep with a mustache, a wig, fake glasses and a hat - I would have no problem recognizing them. With that being said how is it that the entire Racer family can’t recognize that Racer X is secretly Speed's older brother, Rex Racer, who ran away from home years before? Hey Speed, he’s your brother!! Open your eyes moron.  Oh and their last name is Racer – come on! Haven’t they ever heard of clichés in Japan? Its like going to a baker whose last name is Baker, or a proctologist named Dr. Assman. It just doesn’t ring true. If you’re in the racing game and your last name is Racer, what were you thinking when you named your son Speed. Then you try to talk him into not racing? I could see Crash Cargo’s parents trying to talk him out of flying cargo jets, but come on! Of course I could be reading into this just a little too much. Feel free to add your own comments. Billo ----------------- |
