I've Gotta Get Me A Swagger
So I’ve decided that I might try to adopt a swagger. You know, men just don’t swagger the way that they used to. For those of you who are unsure of what I’m talking about, the definition of a swagger, (from various places, so I’m not giving anyone credit here):

Swagger: verb [I] 1: to walk, esp. with a swinging movement, in a way that shows that you are very confident and think that you are important, or to act in that way. 2: to walk with a swaying motion; hence, to walk and act in a pompous, consequential manner.

It used to be in the old days that a man couldn’t even get into the movies if he didn’t have a swagger. Why look at James Cagney, Errol Flynn or John Wayne. John Wayne had such a swagger you would half expect to see him wearing orthopedic shoes. The man practically had a limp. That was a swagger boy, a swagger to aspire to.

I guess the trick is to either slowly adopt it so that no one notices it until its there; and its so good that people are too intimidated to say anything. – You know, "you don’t want to mess around with a guy with a swagger like that". Or you could just be born with it.

A friend of mine from High School, Anthony C., had a great swagger. His whole family had the same one. It was genetic; they got it from their father. We were out one time and his brother swaggered by. Anthony watched, and when his brother was gone he started talking about the family swagger. I of course listened attentively. He told me something his father once said to each of them.

“Don’t ever walk into a room like you own the place. That’s for other people,” he said. “You walk into the room like you don’t care who owns the place.” I’ve always loved that. And let me tell you something, if you ever saw Anthony or his brothers walk into a room; you’d know that their father would be proud.

I think I just have a walk – plain, old-fashioned, no-frills, efficient, fast-paced, walk. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a standard walk. I suppose, I could be stuck with a promenade; a sidle; a strut; a saunter or even an amble.

Pop always used to say that life is like a pendulum first things swing one way, then the swing the other. There is great truth to those words. He also advised that when the pendulum swings back again, it’s never the same. He always used to look for examples and point them out to me.

For instance he would say that when he was a kid there was a “Mom & Pop” store on every corner. Everyone from the neighborhood would shop at his or her local Mom & Pop. Then he would say came the Supermarkets. And they drove the Mom & Pops out of business, and now they’re all gone. Finally with a wry smile he would point out that after a few years, they have come back, but now they are called Seven-11, WaWa, Circle K, or MiniMart.

Now you’re probably saying, “Okay Bill, that was a very touching story from your childhood, and I might even remember your father saying it, but what does it have to do with your swagger?”

I suggest that yes indeed, the swagger probably made its last appearance with George C. Scott in Patton. And has since been on hiatus.

Only to begin its reemergence in the 1980s when Michael Jackson first started grabbing his crotch while singing. Now teenagers on every corner all over America walk along from side to side holding their pants at the crotch, (I believe just to stop them from falling). Go watch a Chris Tucker film and tell me he doesn’t have a swagger. Oh sure, it’s different from John Wayne’s – a lot different – but it’s still the same idea.

I guess Pop was right.

So if you see me coming at you with a John Wayne swagger some day don’t get upset, I haven’t broken my ankle. But do me one favor, if you see me coming at you with a Chris Tucker swagger – pop a cap in my butt will you.